Her grandparents were told to never tell her about what had happened. I asked how she found
I was loosing time around my children, (especially between the ages of 6 months and a year and aslso if other
infants cried around the same ages. When they would cry, I would black out! when I would comeout of the flashback,
I woulds be huddled in a corner and whimpering and my hands would be around my knees and I couldn't speak. I thought
I was abusing my kids during that time so I called child protection on myself. There was no abuse done to my children
but I continued to have these flashback, body memories, I just KNEW I was crazy!
so when my Grandparents came and took
me out on a visit, as I was committed to a state psychiatric unit , I asked them what I was like when I came to live
with them my Grandma stared at my Grandfather and I knew something was up. I asked them if I acted strange when I came
to live with them, my Grandma said I would start to run and hide and shake if a man or older boy came near me. I asked
didn't you think that was strange and she slowly replied, yeeeeeeeeeessssss...
Well, what did you do? I asked, well we
took you to the Dr.. Well, what did the Dr say?? (It was like pulling teeth!) Well, the Dr said we should never
tell you, Tell me what? He said it would never affect you. I said, well it is! and the not knowing is driving
me crazy! at least if I knew, I would maybe be able to find out how to deal with it! Then it came out! I
processed this over and over and often tried to convince myself I made up the whole conversation, but it was true!
See it would have been much easier for me I thought, if I was the bad person making all this awefull stuff up!
my Bio Mother told me that she was at work one day and came home early and my bio dad was gone, she asked the neighber
and they said he had been leaving us everyday when she went to work and would come home just before she got back. I
was under one and my brothers were two and three.
My dad also told me when I was being abused as an adult that
when I was an infant I wanted to suck on his penis! He also did some very odd things to me at 21 to make me appear younger.
I would like to share more whith you if you have any more questions please ask. I feel safe writing to you.
warriorwomyn31.tripod.com is the website of Victoria R. Kelly Annette is her Alter