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Survivors Speaking Out

These are the words and faces of actual adult  survivors of childhood abuse.  Take a moment to appreciate the difficulty it has taken them to come this far.  Might their stories help others.  We thank them as we dedicate this page to them.

At This Tender Age
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She Was Already A victim of Sexual Molestation

Some Victims Are
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Too Young To Tell

Silent Acts (Poem to go with Annettes Picture: Little Girl)
By Annette Written on: 4/16/05

Sacrifice
The infant
Lust eats away
Innocence
Father owns
The child
Forcing screams
To go unknown
Tiny hands and feet
Opening of flesh
To feast
Unbelievable acts
No one wants
To acknowledge
Fearing Tortures
Power and Control
Silences the Victim
With no words to explain
Body’s Betrayal
Nighttimes Fear
Endless Struggles
Childhood Tears
   Edit

 
Her grandparents were told to never tell her about what had happened.  I asked how she found out....
 
I was loosing time around my children, (especially between the ages of 6 months and a year and aslso if other infants cried around the same ages.  When they would cry, I would black out!  when I would comeout of the flashback, I woulds be huddled in a corner and whimpering and my hands would be around my knees and I couldn't speak.  I thought I was abusing my kids during that time so I called child protection on myself.  There was no abuse done to my children but I continued to have these flashback, body memories, I just KNEW I was crazy! 
so when my Grandparents came and took me out on a visit, as I was committed to a state psychiatric unit , I asked them what I was like when I came to live with them my Grandma stared at my Grandfather and I knew something was up.  I asked them if I acted strange when I came to live with them, my Grandma said I would start to run and hide and shake if a man or older boy came near me.  I asked didn't you think that was strange and she slowly replied, yeeeeeeeeeessssss...
Well, what did you do? I asked, well we took you to the Dr.. Well, what did the Dr say??  (It was like pulling teeth!)  Well, the Dr said we should never tell you, Tell me what?  He said it would never affect you.  I said, well it is! and the not knowing is driving me crazy! at least  if I knew, I would maybe be able to find out how to deal with it!  Then it came out!  I processed this over and over and often tried to convince myself I made up the whole conversation, but it was true!   See it would have been much easier for me I thought, if I was the bad person making all this awefull stuff up!

Later, my Bio Mother told me that she was at work one day and came home early and my bio dad was gone,  she asked the neighber and they said he had been leaving us everyday when she went to work and would come home just before she got back.  I was under one and my brothers were two and three. 

My dad also told me when I was being abused as an adult that when I was an infant I wanted to suck on his penis!  He also did some very odd things to me at 21 to make me appear younger.  I would like to share more whith you if you have any more questions please ask.  I feel safe writing to you.

warriorwomyn31.tripod.com   is the website of Victoria R. Kelly    Annette is her Alter

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i would like to share mine with you. my story goes back 20yrs. ago but it feels like yesterday to me. i was abused not just sexually, but physical and mentally by my step father and my mother did nothing to stop it.

i was only a ten yr. old when it happened and it is something i think about every day. i wake up to it and i think about it before falling a sleep at night. i still have nightmare about it. i still ask the why me question and i still have no answer. i even thought about getting in touch with the man and talking to him. and then i think that is a really bad ideal. i just hate him so much for taking the one thing that every child should have and that is free will to be a child.

i have been married now for 16yrs. to a wonderful man who is understanding and helps me though every day. even the bad ones. i told him about the abuse right from the beginning and gave him a chance to walk out the door. and when he didn’t i was surprised to say the less. we have three teenagers right now and before they were born i promised myself that the abuse would stop with me, and it has. but life every day is a struggle.

i love my kids very much, and every day i have some one try and tell me that i should bend them over my knee and will you get the point. first i have never hit my kids in any way that was out of anger. not to say i haven’t come close a few times. my biggest fear is that if i started i wouldn’t stop. that i would turn into the one one person i hate most. i don’t wont that for them or for myself. i struggle to maintain my anger and the need to call them things they should never be called by a parent or any one else for that matter.

my stepfather was punished, but not for the abuse that i suffered, but for the abuse his own kids suffered at his hands. the court said that i was lying. and at that he only served three years in prison. and the really sad part of all of this is this, in court the judge gave my mother a choice. it was simple. she had to choose either her kids or her husband. she choose her husband. and now they have been divorced for 18yrs. i think. she waited until he got out of prison to divorce him. and even though i talk to her today when i ask the question why i can not get an answer. there is alot more to my story, but i just don’t now were to begin with it. and it happen so many years ago. but it feels just like yesterday. and yes you may put it on defenedthechildren.org. if my story can help someone to not suffer then please us it. and if you wont the whole story i will be happy to share it with you. but now this it is long. and thank you for giving me this opportunity to tell share this with you and the world

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Another molested by the stepfather and the chose the molester
 
 
My abuse started when i was fifteen years old and was done by my step father. He would come into my room at night and touch me or force me to give him a blow job. I did not tell my mom because i was afraid he told me he would kill my dogs if i did and they were my best friends. The abuse continued for two years and in that time he took my virginity away from me then when i turned seventeen years old i told my school counsler and they took my step father to jail. The judge decided that since he was a first time offender he only needed a month in jail and my mother decided when he got out she would take him back. After he had been home from jail for about a week he started to molest me again but instead of turning him in again i decided to leave home becuase i did not think he would get the punishment he deserved. My mother and i hardly speak now because of him and i have nightmares and have to see a counsler. He has made it to where i can not stand to be touched by a man which causes real problems in my marriage. I hope that some day the laws are changed because i dont want anyone else to suffer the way that i do.


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