This section is reserved for correspondences we receive from Protective Parents and those supportive of them, writing about their experiences in defending children.   A Protective Parent is a caregiver who feels a child in their care has or is being abused and works to end the abuse.  A Protective Parent can be a mother, father, grandparent or foster parent.  No letters will be posted without the author's permission.
Please email  defendchildren@yahoo.com

Experiences of Protective Mothers in their own words. 

Sunday, April 6, 2008

My story and a message to my daughter, Rachel

I love my daughter, Rachel, with all of my heart and soul. My hope and prayer is that my precious daughter will always know how very much I will always love her and how desperately I miss her. Because of the fact that I have been denied due process in the family law court of Orange County, Rachel and I have not seen each other for almost 5 years. Rachel has also been separated from her extended family - her grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins, pets, her friends and her home - everything she has ever known and loves. Both my mother and I were jailed for trying to protect Rachel from abuse by her father, an attorney, who is accused by two qualified medical doctors of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. The first doctor, an M.D., testified before the Superior Court in Orange County on August 30, 2002 about the sexual abuse and his entire testimony was dismissed and discredited. Minor's counsel was appointed that same day and shortly after, a 730 evaluation was court ordered. The contents of the 730 evaluation reports are untruthful and it was recommended to the court, by the evaluator, that I have no contact with Rachel. The second doctor, also an M.D. who specializes in children, and who is court approved to be Rachel's treating physician, has been denied the right to give testimony before the court 5-6 times under court subpoena, by suppression from minor's counsel. Minor's counsel will not allow testimony, or the 3 child abuse reports submitted by this doctor, or any other reports or evidence to be admitted into court. Due to these reports of abuse (at least 6 reports were filed), Social Services became involved in the case. Despite these abuse reports, Social Services did not intervene to protect Rachel. Since the court, CPS, the police, etc. repeatedly failed to protect Rachel, I left with her and my mother was involved. We were both caught, arrested and jailed. My mother served 90 days house arrest at the age of 73, being charged with aiding and abetting a fugitive and I served 80 days in Orange County Womens Jail, being charged with felony kidnapping, although I never left Orange County. My mother and I were both placed on 3 years of formal probation. I have been accused of making false allegations against Rachel's father, which is untrue. I never accused Rachel's father, nor did I make any abuse allegations at any time. I was first informed by the first doctor that Rachel had reported to him that her father was sexually abusing her and Rachel continued to talk more and more about the abuse that she had been subjected to by her father- continually expressing fear of having to visit him and informing me that her father had told her many times that he would kill me, herself, grandma and her dog, and that she would never see me again if she told anyone, especially Social Services about the abuse, among many other behaviors/signs Rachel exhibited that were consistent with abuse. Rachel also reported the same information about the abuse to the second doctor. A report was also filed with the Anaheim police department and a detective was assigned to the case. However, the police or the detective did not conduct an investigation about the abuse. In April of 2003, I was in contempt of court for denying visitation to Rachel's father. At the request of Rachel's father, the contempt charges were dismissed in order to prevent the evidence from surfacing. I was denied a hearing at that time as well. Despite the abuse reports and the contempt charges being dismissed, Rachel was still removed from my custody on June 4, 2003, and temporary custody was given to her father for only 60 days. I have never been provided a hearing/trial, even after those 60 days or at any time thereafter. Therefore, I have been in "temporary" orders for almost 5 years, since permanent custody was never given to her father, nor have my parental rights ever been terminated. In addition to losing custody, I was placed on monitored visitation without being proven that I was an unfit mother. For almost 5 years, Rachel has not been allowed to receive photos, cards, letters or gifts from me or any family member. My family and I have missed four of Rachel's birthdays, five Christmases/ every holiday, special occasions/vacations. I am denied the right to know her residence or have any information on her schooling, progress in school, or the right to talk with or meet her teachers or attend any events at school. My family and I have been completely cut out of Rachel's life. Due to a court order, I am allowed only two hours a month of telephone contact with Rachel, which is both monitored and recorded by her father, which allows him to terminate the phone call at any time. I have been fighting since August of 2002 for protection and for the justice Rachel so rightfully deserves and to regain custody of her. I have fought through the entire court system, filing an appeal at the Federal Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit. My case was held there for almost a year and a half, before the court dismissed my case. The issue of the violation of my rights was not addressed by the Ninth Circuit. I will continue to fight for our rights and for protection and justice for Rachel.

A MESSAGE TO MY DAUGHTER:
To my beautiful daughter, Rachel Renae- the best part of every day-

I want you to know that I will always love you no matter what and that I will continue to fight for you to bring you back home. You are my greatest joy and blessing from God and I feel very blessed to be your mother. May you know that you have filled my life and my heart with more love, joy, laughter and happiness than I have ever known. Always remember how special and unique God has made you, the image designed only for you by Him, touching my world and all of those who love you with your own special magic, .... I love you so very much my sweet girl and I am forever proud to call you my daughter. I am here for you whatever this life brings, and I want you to always believe in yourself, your abilities and talents, as I believe in you, and will always support you. Each time I hear you in my mind, I thank God for your sweet voice to comfort me, and with each vision of you walking towards me in my mind, I thank God for the precious gift of your life.....longing for the day when you will run into my arms again...be strong, my angel, for I am here for you and always will be. I love you and miss you, Mom

FROM MOTHER TO DAUGHTER:

In your life, if I could give you a very special gift, it would be this: When you look in the mirror, may you smile a hundred times at what you see. Smile because you know that a loving, capable, smart, brave, strong and a very precious person is reflected there. And when you look at me, may you remember how very much I love you and how much I will always care. Our love and bond is everlasting. Love, your mother

Posted by Kristin Hanson at 2:07 PM 

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A Stepmother
 
Hi,
  I wanted to write, because the victims of abuse and their families aren't really protected from the press, which can be brutal.
My step-daughter was molested by her father, my ex-husband. It happened three times, but people treated me as if I had known, and let it go on. I had a 9 year old son at the time too. I was not allowed to discuss the case, and banned from speaking to friends, that may have to be used as witnesses, I felt so alone and betrayed. I also, didn't think it was appropriate to tell my nine year old son vivid details of this, and eventually let him talk with his father once a month. I was like he just died. He was there one day and gone the next. My ex-in laws, accused me of causing it. If I had left my husband It would have meant living her, and I had raised her for 15 years. The abuse probably would have been worse, and occurred more. My step-daughter won't talk to me now either. I was very hurt and bitter, until I let god into my life, and learned about forgiveness.
 I wrote Because I was a victim too, and so was my son. Plus the district attorney wanted my step daughter to appear in court, to better their case. I wouldn't let her. They had a taped conversation, that's all they needed. Then the press waited for the Sunday newspaper to plaster this on the front page. My step-daughter's name was not mentioned, but her age was, her fathers name was, and it was very obvious she was the victim.  It was like being victimizing all over again. I think, because of all the publicity,and the trial procedure, there are probably more victims out there, that won't report it.

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A mother    daddy has his rights...


    I am writing this in the third person because it is less painful to me that way.  I live this 3 times a week and my little girl is everything to me.  I cannot forgive myself for not being able to protect her.  I love her so much and I pray for the day when this torture is over.


      As the mother was tucking her little girl into bed for the night, the youngster sat up abruptly and reached for her mother crying, "Please, pray for me, Mommy."
     Holding back tears, the mother returned the child's hug.  "I always pray for you, Baby."  The mother knew the child's fear was warranted for she too, had fear for her child.  They both knew that in the morning, the child would be placed in harm's way.  The child was going to spend four days with her molester.  The man who violated her young body and brought fear and pain into the young girl life.
     The child was a very brave little girl and reluctantly would go with her father on his court ordered custodial time.  It had been over two years since the child had told what was being done to her when she visited her father.  She told even though she had been threatened that mommy would have her head cut off if she told.  The child was afraid but she did tell. 
     She told the nice lady about it and for awhile, she was happy.  For a long time she did not have to be alone with her father.  She did not have to see his girlfriend.  She only had to see her father with other people in the room too.  She knew he could not hurt her than.
     The nice lady believed her and the police believed her and Mommy believed her but the judge said that she was too young to tell.  The judge said that she had to see her father and at his house and Mommy could not be there.
     Mommy tried not to cry when she brought the little girl to meet with her father but the child knew Mommy was very sad.  Then child cried in her heart because she could not cry out loud in her father's presence.
     Tomorrow would be worse than most visits though because it was for four full days.  The child was afraid.  The child was sad.  Mother tried to comfort the little girl and agreed to the child's request for angel dust to be sprinkled on her.  Mommy took the little container of white sparkling angel dust and sprinkled it on her beloved child.  Almost immediately, the child cried, "Take it off me, Mommy, take it off."
    The mother discovered the child was terrified. The child feared the father's anger for her having angel dust on her, Mommy brushed a little off and than got a costume from the closet and placed its hat on the girl and said, "Look this has sparkles on it and they fell on you so daddy won't know the difference."  The child accepted that solution to the angel dust dilemna.
     Mommy sat with the small child. Mommy heard the nearly asleep child softly whisper, "Pray for me, Mommy."
     As the mother left the room of her sleeping child, tears ran down her face. she could not speak.  She knew the next four days would be nearly unbearable, filled with fear and anxiety.  However, she would bear it for she was the mother, she tried to be a protective mother but the court took that from her.  Mommy would do anything for her child.  Mommy prayed.

 
This is a true story.  The child has been with Mommy 2 days now but goes to her father in the morning for a 4 days weekend.  She will  be with her mother over the next weekend and during the week spend equal time between the two parents.   It is horrible.  It is painful.  It is true.  the mother has learned to be a good actress in front of the child but vomits after taking the child to be with her molester.  The mother has no choice,  It she leaves the state, an amber alert will be issued and most likely the mother will be found, the child placed not 50% of the time but 100% of the time with her molester.  This is America.
This is the start of a new year.  However, for this mother and child there is not much to celebrate.  Daddy has his rights.

P.S.  Before leaving for her custodial time with her father, the child asked her mother to glue her to the bed so she wouldn't have to see her father. On other visits she has asked for helium balloons and tired them to her bed but was disappointed that they did not make her float away.  Yes, Mommy cries.